Worst Mother of the Year Award

(I'm a little embarrased posting this, but for memory's sake, I'm writing it down.)

Okay, now I know I'm not the worst mother of the year but I sure felt that way on Monday. I had gotten up at 3 a.m. to feed Tama so that I could take a shower and get ready to fly out to Salt Lake at 5 a.m. The flight went great. Tama was an angel and was such a happy baby during the whole trip. When my mom picked me up at the airport, I thought we would be headed straight home which is usually about an hour and a half drive. Unfortunately, my mom had several stops she wanted to make so it became a 4 hour long drive home. When we finally got settled, I was still exhausted but wanted to spend some time with my mom while I was here. Towards 5 p.m. I was downright spent, but I was also hungry. My dad called just then to see if I wanted to go grab some dinner with him. I agreed seeing as I don't get to see him too often. And then it happened.

I got Tama all ready by setting the car seat on a chair, and buckled him in. I then turned to turn off the light, which was not even a foot away, and BOOM. The car seat fell down hard and upside down to the ground. My heart absolutely sank. I turned over the car seat and my poor baby was crying so loud (he must have really gotten scared) and pulled him out to hold him close to me. I kept saying, "I'm so sorry, It's all mommy's fault". I felt absolutely horrid. I was SO grateful that I had already buckled him in, but I just felt so terrible that I had put him in position where he wasn't absolutely secure.

Soon, Tama stopped crying and we went out to dinner without incident. However, at dinner, my mind started going... what if he hurt his neck when the car seat fell... what if he stops breathing... what if he really isn't ok? I kept checking him every 5 seconds at dinner just to make sure he was still breathing. I have never felt so terrible.

Now, rationally speaking, I know that Tama suffered no real injury and that it was an honest mistake. However, I can't help but think, what if I hadn't buckled him in! That would have been so much worse. The thought makes me absolutely sick. I also know that I'm sure I'll have days like this again, which absolutely terrify me. I've been entrusted to care for this little guy for at least the next 18 years! There's so many things that I could do wrong. I pray that the Lord will keep Tama safe from my foolish errors!